The Daughter Voice
Finding my voice hasn’t been the easiest part of this journey.
I thought I had a voice, and maybe I do….I’m not sure I guess.
*Maybe* I have more of an echo right now.
*Maybe* I am just echoing what I hear from others.
Being realistic in my self-evaluation I think that I am in a place in my life for, possibly the first time, that I am free from feeling like I HAVE to have an answer. Free from feeling the pressure of coming up with something extraordinary, not that I want to be plain and ordinary…
I have a part in the say, but I do not have to prove myself to anyone or anything. I am completely and utterly accepted and loved for just who I am right now…which ultimately brings a humility to me, that allows my heart to open. I think permitting that openness allows me to see what was already there to begin with, something/someone buried beneath all that fear…
I am not concerned heaps with (what some call) “voice” as a photographer (although I feel I should be) because I am more concerned at this point with my voice as a Daughter. That is president in my life to what I am doing. Over my voice as a yoga, pilates or bootcamp instructor, friend to others etc.…
Stopping the fear of finding my “voice” or more well said-“my place in this world”- removes the strife to perfect and make acceptable. I struggle with the thought that maybe that is just apathy, but I resist, b/c i know that I am not apathetic, nor will I believe the lie that resting in God’s love and acceptance, and cherishing is an apathetic approach. Because really the alternate response, trying to earn this love and acceptance, in all areas, or even one, is frankly, exhausting.
Looking from side to side and all around and viewing what others are doing is exhausting….keeping up my facade as “the accomplished one” is exhausting! So I am not going to do it…I’m going to let go. I am going to accept who I am now in this moment and choose to not give up, not give up at all….but push through, push through the fear of failure, to trusting in the One who created me and knows my giftings and weaknesses best. The One I don’t have to explain myself to, the One I don’t have to prove myself to, the One who is fully satisfied, and the One who fully satisfies…Because He doesn’t make junk.
